Remember that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you first fell in love with your husband? Wouldn’t you like to rekindle those feelings? I am sure your husband would love to relive those feelings too!
After years of marriage, I am sure you realize that love is not just a feeling; it is a choice that involves serving. Jesus teaches us that to love is to serve. An act of love is the most amazing kind of gift. That is what we are called to do in marriage. We have the perfect example–Jesus’ act of love for us, and his subsequent sacrifice is THE greatest gift. Using Jesus’ example is the best way how to show your husband you love him.As newlyweds, we are much more focused on seeing our spouse as a gift and actively seeking ways to show them our love. Time passes, families grow, responsibilities become more demanding, and we tend to lose focus on ways to love our spouse. But we can always step back and re-center ourselves and actively seek ways to show love for our spouse. We are all “works in progress” and so are our marriages. There is always room for improvement and it will greatly nurture and strengthen the foundation of our marriages. Sometimes we just need a reminder of what we already know, and sometimes we just need a fresh perspective and a little fire lit under our britches.
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1. Show Affection
Showing our love through affection comes naturally for most of us. As babies our very survival depends upon the affection given to us by our parents. The need for affection is an integral part of our development and greatly shapes how we feel about ourselves.
Make a point to kiss your husband goodbye every morning. Don’t just go to bed or to your separate free time activities after the kids are in bed..Take the time to kiss each other goodnight. Work in some random hugs throughout the day.
And last but certainly not least, when he makes it known to you that he wants to make love but you just don’t feel like it, change your mindset. Instead of focusing on what you want at the moment, think of it as giving the gift of yourself. I have found that when I do this, I am almost always given major blessings.
2. Instead of an IOU, give him an “I will do. . . for you”.
Think of a chore or task that your husband primarily does that he least likes. Offer to take over that chore or task for 24hrs, a week, or a month.
My husband is the go-to parent for bathing our kids. Neither of us like to do it. I enjoyed it with my first child it was such a sweet and cuddly time. I remember that most days I would bathe our sweet baby boy before daddy even came home so we could spend the evening playing. Ha! 4 kids later. . .I am tired of giving baths. Heck, I don’t even like to give myself a bath.
A task that you do not like to do either makes this gift a true example of “to love is to serve.”
3. Stop and Give Him Your Full Attention When He Speaks
Amidst all of the many things in life that take up our time and attention, it is often hard to be totally present in the moment with your spouse. Household duties, kid care, TV, and mobile devices can keep us from focusing on what our spouse has to say. So pause that tv show, silence your phone, put aside your device, and stop what you are doing. Out of love and respect give your full attention to him.
Everyone needs to feel like they are “heard” and have their feelings acknowledged. Sharing the joys and trials of life is part of our human experience.
4. Sticky Note Pickup Lines
You absolutely have to check out this post from The Dating Divas! We all like to feel desired, especially after years of marriage when your “dating” time seems so long in the past. Rekindle that “butterflies in your stomach” feeling that you had when you first began dating your husband by leaving these clever sticky notes of pickup lines for him to find. Let him know that you would choose him all over again.
5. Notice Things and Say Thank You
Make a point to acknowledge something your husband has done. Maybe it is for something small like filling up your car with gas or something huge like doing the laundry without you asking. It can even be something he does on a regular basis that is necessary. It feels good to be appreciated and will often times encourage a person to do more (not that I have an ulterior motive). My husband worked two full Saturdays on getting the yard into shape and ready for spring. He cut back dead branches and thorny rose bushes, trimmed trees and hedges, pulled weeds, mowed, and edged the yard. On the following Monday, I noticed how tidy the backyard looked and sent him a quick text at work letting him know it looked great and thanking him. He later told me how incredibly awesome that made him feel—that I noticed AND was grateful. We can easily get caught up in “expecting” our husband to do certain tasks because that is part of our routine, but we need to step back and appreciate the efforts he makes.
6. Create a “Library of Love” ( card-catalogue style)
Speaking of the unique experiences you have had as a couple, you could write down memories of your life together using old-fashioned card catalogue style cards. Later, he can also add memories as you could both continue this tradition in the future. This amazing idea was originally created by Grace, of Poetic Home.
Layla of The Lettered Cottage developed a step-by-step tutorial on exactly how to create this “Library of Love,” as she coined it. You can find Layla’s tutorial here.
7. Regularly Speak Words of affirmation
Make a habit of intentionally saying things that affirm your husband. Here is an amazing (and printable) list by Matthew Jacobson of 103 Words of Affirmation you can say to your husband. Just make sure you keep it sincere and authentic without going “overbroad” or else it will seem fake.
8. Record a video message with your phone and send it to him.
Create a video of yourself all “prettied up” and tell him something he would appreciate.
Imagination. . .go!
Actually, I am thinking of something more sentimental, comical, or complimentary.
- Tell him he is “right” about something you argue about often.
- Recite your wedding vows.—If you have been married for a while change up the words a little bit to reflect the unique experiences you have had together.
**My version would go something like this. . .“I take you for my marathon runner, for your tall white socks, and for your short green shorts, to let you sleep late on weekends and to always clip our children’s fingernails from this day forward, I will try to play Scrabble, and go to more baseball games, in moodiness and in pregnancy, until death do us part.”
- Tell him why he would make a great President.
- Tell him something sweet and sentimental i.e, perhaps a special memory.
- Give him an affirmation on something he is self-conscious about or circumstances that he is unhappy with.
- Tell him why you love him.
*** There is a popular idea to use a deck of cards and write one reason you love him on each card. F-I-F-T-Y T-W-O reasons! Is that really necessary? By the end, wouldn’t you be saying things like, “You floss your teeth regularly” or “You put the new trash bag real neatly into the can and it never falls in when I immediately throw something heavy into it”
9. Give Him a little “Me” time
Think of a special hobby, pastime, or an opportunity to do something fun for himself. And no, don’t require him to take you. Sometimes we all need the opportunity to be completely selfish for a small amount of time. Doing something we love and something that is only productive because it is enjoyable is something everyone gets excited about and deserves. Maybe it is a round of golf, tickets to his favorite sports team’s game, or a night playing cards with the guys. Just remember it is his gift. So, don’t invite yourself! Spend couple time on another day.
10. Pray for Him
Prayer is powerful. You can start praying for your husband before you ever meet him. That is an amazing thing that connects you long before you meet and will sow strong seeds of faith.
Developing a daily habit of prayer will bring infinite blessings to you, your husband, and your marriage. Fulfilling Your Vows created a great infographic on specific scripture verses to pray related to specific reasons for prayer.
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I can’t possibly talk about how to love your husband without referring you to an amazing book that every spouse should read, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Mr. Chapman’s website even offers an assessment tool for you to discover your own love language. Have your husband take it as well, then “slip” him your results.
If you don’t have time to read it, you can find a fantastic and in-depth explanation of The 5 Love Languages in this article from Metonoia Living. The key to loving your husband is to figure out what his love language is. Even if your “love language” is completely different, you can learn to “speak” his. When you understand what he needs, it makes it easier to successfully meet those needs.
If this list seems overwhelming, don’t let that deter you. Make small changes a little at a time. Focus your efforts on one way to show your love to your husband until it becomes a habit. Then you can add more ways over time. Any efforts you make will be blessed ten-fold by God and benefit your own spiritual life, your bond with your husband, and your family’s overall well-being.
Alright now. . .light that match….
I would love to hear from you! Have you ever done something special to show your husband that you love him that you would like to share!